Cat

We were dressed and ready to go out to the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light and the answering machine, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and, as we opened the front door to leave the house, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house! We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird so my wife went out to the taxi while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night so she explained that I would be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed; had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me! But it worked; I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car . . .