Nobody Wants War

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later." The nun agreed. Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't
want to go to Iraq."

The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear." The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either."

Confession

A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said,

"Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! You have no need to confess it."

"It's worse than that, Father," he continued. "She quickly started to repay me with, uh, you know, favors."

"People in wartime sometimes act in ways they wouldn't under normal conditions," the priest replied. "If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a relief," the man said. He then added, "I have one more question."

"What is it, my son?" the priest asked.

The man answered, "She is pretty old now. Should I tell her the war is over?"