Long live Bachelors

1. Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life !!

2. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

3. Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

4. I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

5. Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

6. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

7. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

8. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

9. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

10. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
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11. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

12. My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

13. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

14. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

15. Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."

16. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!

17.A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

Married Life

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,

'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have been released today!

Marriage Blues

Monica married Satyajeet this day. At the end of the wedding party, Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook, with Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Satyajeet. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Monica shared this with Satyajeet when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:


- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Satyajeet after marriage

- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica

- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali

- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant

- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Satyajeet got promoted

..... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Monica talked to her Mother:

'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the passbook to Satyajeet, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Satyajeet gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

"When you fall, in any way,

Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you Slipped. Life is about correcting mistakes."

Marriage is.....

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Marriage

1 Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order
what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had
ordered that.

2 At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married
the wrong man."

3 Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is
finished.

4 Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and
the woman gets her master's status.

5 A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for
it."

6 Young son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in most countries son."

7 Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married, and then it was too late."

8 A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the
wife takes.

9 When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year
married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair?

10 Married lives are very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the
man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and
the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
listen.

11 After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when
I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice it."

12 A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife wanted". The
next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You
can have mine."

13 When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
thing: either the car is new or his wife is new.

14 A woman was telling her friend: "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked.
The woman replied, "A multimillionaire."