Live Happily Without Stress

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.

2. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.

3. Don't rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc. ("The palest ink is better than the most retentive memory." - Old Chinese Proverb)

4. Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.

5. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.

6. Practice preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment."

7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant.

8. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now.

9. Plan ahead. Don't let the gas tank get below one-quarter full; keep a well-stocked "emergency shelf" of home staples; don't wait until you're down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more; etc.

10. Don't put up with something that doesn't work right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers ' whatever ' are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.

11. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures.

12. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.

13. Always set up contingency plans, "just in case." ("If for some reason either of us is delayed, here's what we'll do'" kind of thing. Or, "If we get split up in the shopping center, here's where we'll meet.")

14. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn't get mowed this weekend.

15. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings. Count 'em!

16. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can save hours. (The old "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get, " idea.)

17. Say "No!" Saying "no" to extra projects, social activities, and invitations you know you don't have the time or energy for takes practice, self-respect, and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax and be alone.

18. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without interruption' Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil.) Or use an answering machine.

19. Turn "needs" into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don't get attached to preferences.

20. Simplify, simplify, simplify'

21. Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get you into the habit of worrying faster than associating with chronic worrywarts.

22. Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires that you sit for extended periods.

23. Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home, pop in some earplugs.

24. Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm clock to remind you to go to bed.

25. Create order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won't have to go through the stress of losing things.

26. When feeling stressed, most people tend to breathe in short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is incomplete, and muscle tension frequently results. Check your breathing throughout the day, and before, during, and after high-pressure situations. If you find your stomach muscles are knotted and your breathing is shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep, slow breaths. Note how, when you're relaxed, both your abdomen and chest expand when you breathe.

27. Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a journal, or on paper to be thrown away) can help you clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective.

28. Try the following yoga technique whenever you feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through you nose to the count of eight. Then, with lips puckered, exhale very slowly through your mouth to the count of 16, or for as long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.

29. Inoculate yourself against a feared event. Example: before speaking in public, take time to go over every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what you'll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will present your talk, what the questions will be and how you will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way you would have it be. You'll likely find that when the time comes to make the actual presentation, it will be "old hat" and much of your anxiety will have fled.

30. When the stress of having to get a job done gets in the way of getting the job done, diversion ' a voluntary change in activity and/or environment ' may be just what you need.

31. Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a trusted friend can help clear your mind of confusion so you can concentrate on problem solving.

32. One of the most obvious ways to avoid unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work, home, leisure) which is in line with your personal needs and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don't accept a job which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to talk politics, don't associate with people who love to talk politics, etc.

33. Learn to live one day at a time.

34. Every day, do something you really enjoy.

35. Add an ounce of love to everything you do.

36. Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in summertime) to relieve tension.

37. Do something for somebody else.

38. Focus on understanding rather than on being understood; on loving rather than on being loved.

39. Do something that will improve your appearance. Looking better can help you feel better.

40. Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back appointments; allow time between appointments for a breathing spell.

41. Become more flexible. Some things are worth not doing perfectly and some issues are well to compromise upon.

42. Eliminate destructive self-talk: "I'm too old to'," "I'm too fat to'," etc.

43. Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If you work week is slow and patterned, make sure there is action and time for spontaneity built into your weekends. If your work week is fast-paced and full of people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during your days off. Feel as if you aren't accomplishing anything at work' Tackle a job on the weekend which you can finish to your satisfaction.

44. "Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." That's another way of saying: take care of the todays as best you can and the yesterdays and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.

45. Do one thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one or nothing else. When you are busy with a project, concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to do.

46. Allow yourself time ' everyday ' for privacy, quiet, and introspection.

47. If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it early in the day and get it over with; then the rest of your day will be free of anxiety.

48. Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.

49. Don't forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if it's just for 15 or 20 minutes.

50. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing something or saying anything that could make matters worse.

51. Have a forgiving view of events and people. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world.

52. Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

Two Trouble Makers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Original Text

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The Angels come running in only to find the Pope huddled in his chair, crying to himself and muttering, "An 'R'! The scribes left out the 'R'." A particularly concerned Angel takes him aside, offering comfort, asks him what the problem is and what does he mean.

After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'. They left out the 'R'. The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

Long live Bachelors

1. Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life !!

2. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

3. Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

4. I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

5. Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

6. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

7. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

8. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

9. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

10. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
1
11. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

12. My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

13. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

14. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

15. Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."

16. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!

17.A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

The Balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says "You must work in Management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Married Life

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,

'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have been released today!

Human Life

God created the donkey

And said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset Carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, You will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered:

"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.

Then

God created the dog

And said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and You will live 30years. You will be a dog. "

The dog answered:

"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.

Then

God created the monkey

And said to him:

"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "

The monkey Answered:

"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.


Finally God created man...

And said to him:

"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:

"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, Give me the 30years that the donkey refused, The 15years that the dog did not want and The 10years the monkey refused."

God granted man's wish

And since then, man lives

20 years as a man, Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, Working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, He lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house And eating whatever is given to him, So that when he is old, He can retire and live 10years like a monkey, Going from house to house and from one son or Daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Advertisement Signs

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... cheap........ ....no strings attached.

Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !

I am thankful for...

For the partner who hogs the covers every night,
because he Is not out with someone else.

For the child who is not cleaning his room, but
Is watching TV, because that means he Is at
home and not on the streets.

For the taxes that I pay,
because it means that I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party,
because it means that I have been
surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug,
because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work,
because it means I am in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing,
windows that need cleaning,
and gutters that need fixing,
because it means I have a home.

For the parking spot I find at the far
end of the parking lot, because It means
I am capable of walking and that I have
been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating/coolingbill ,
because it means I am warm/! refreshed.

For the lady behind me in church that
sings off key, because it means that
I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and Ironing,
because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at
the end of the day, because it means
I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the
early morning hours, because it
means I am alive.

Car Mechanic and Doctor

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? " The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...

"Try to do it when the engine is running".

God in a dilemma

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to".

The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".

The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside , what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

God took a deep breath and said, "YOU WANT TWO LANES OR FOUR ON THAT BRIDGE???"

Marriage Blues

Monica married Satyajeet this day. At the end of the wedding party, Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook, with Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Satyajeet. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Monica shared this with Satyajeet when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:


- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Satyajeet after marriage

- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica

- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali

- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant

- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Satyajeet got promoted

..... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Monica talked to her Mother:

'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the passbook to Satyajeet, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Satyajeet gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

"When you fall, in any way,

Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you Slipped. Life is about correcting mistakes."

I Could Use a Little Money

Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ?an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

Pregnant Daughter

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared,

She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
This to you?

I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature
And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the
Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the
Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family
Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However,

If there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand Firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again !"

I Just Needed To Use Your Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

Stolen Money

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

The book-keeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you'retalking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer: "Well, what'd he say?"

The lawyer replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!!"

If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer

- If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

- To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

- If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

- Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

- To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

- To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

- If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

- When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

- We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

- To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

- Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

- To undo a mistake, click on "back".

- If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

Love Story

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:

" Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?

He replied: " when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there ".

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!

Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: " My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..

Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.

10 Ways to Bring Meaning to Your Life

1. For 5 minutes: Whatever you are doing, just do it slightly slower. At work we are all given tasks to do. One time per day, for 5 minutes do that task a little bit slower. Do not do the task in slow motion, or take breaks from the task, simply do it a little bit slower.

2. Take 5 minutes at lunch to notice what you're eating . You can actually do this at an meal, or anytime you eat. You are going to notice what your food looks like, how it smells, feels, and tastes. As you pick up your food, notice the texture of it, is it bumpy, smooth, wet? Notice what you smell. As you take it in your mouth notice how it feels in your mouth, notice the tastes that are coming out of it, how your teeth break it down. As you swallow it, notice it going down your throat. Do the same with the drink.

3. Take 3 minutes to just sit and notice your breath . Sit in a place of your choice, could be behind your desk, or anywhere. Close your eyes. For 3 minutes simply pay attention to your breath. For these 3 minutes your breath gets your undivided attention. If you notice yourself thinking about something, even the thought "why am I doing this stupid exercise", just notice that your're thinking that and then gently bring your attention back to your breath.

4. Wash the Dishes. If you're not used to doing dishes , there will be many benefits to this one. As you begin to wash the dishes, notice the texture of the plate and the warmth of the water on your hands. Inhale and notice if there is any scent. Listen to hear the rush of the water or any other sounds that are happening around you. Not only will you be able to practice being in the moment, but many of your family and friends will be thrilled with you.

5. Take a Bath or Shower. Preferably a bath if you have one, but even with a shower, you can take your moment in the shower or bath to feel the warmth of the water or feel how your body is immersed in the water. How does your skin feel? Do you notice any smells? Is your hair wet. Just be in the moment and notice all your senses....breathe.

6. Make Love Slightly Slower for a few moments . As you are making love to your significant other, take a moment to purposely move slightly slower. As you do this begin to mentally feel over all parts of your body. How your skin feels when touching his/hers, how are you breathing? Are you sweating? Is there a scent in the air. Take a moment and really be there making love.

7. Smell a flower for an extra breath . This one I love. Often times I will be passing by a flower and if I remember to smell it, I take an extra inhalation to really get the full experience of the scent. You will be surprised how much that extra inhalation makes a difference in the experience.Read more articles. http://www.online-articles.org/happiness/site-map.php

8. Be Silly. I'm serious;). Being silly allows your creative juices to flow and your creative juices is what life is all about. Letting yourself be silly can also be very relaxing and create joyful situations that are full of meaning.

9. Write a letter to someone close to you... Telling them how much you appreciate them. This is not a new idea by any stretch yet it is always worth mentioning since it is so meaningful. A letter that that person will always cherish.

10. Remind yourself that you are a miracle . This may be the most important. How they heck did any of us get here? When we break it down to nanotechnology and quantum physics, scientists are stumped to figure out the great mystery of us physically being here and interacting and creating symbols and concepts and communicating.

New Virus

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life
completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Marriage is.....

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

More One Liners...

1. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

2. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

3. If I save time, when do I get it back?

4. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

5. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

6. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

7. The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

8. As I said before, I never repeat myself.

9. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.. there's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

13. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left! .

14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected ?

Moral of the Story

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First, " My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket
On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the Eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all
Your eggs in one basket.."

" Very good," said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, " We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got Ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count
Your chickens before they're hatched .."

" Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with The response so far.

Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: " My dad Told me this story about my Aunt Karen.... Aunt Karen Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got
Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete."

" Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.

" Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of Them with the machine gun until she ran out of
Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten With her bare hands."

" Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What did Your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?"

" Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been Drinking..."

I feared........

I feared being alone Until I learned to like Myself.

I feared failure Until I realized that I only Fail when I don't try.

I feared success Until I realized That I had to try In order to be happy With myself.

I feared people's opinions Until I learned that People would have opinions About me anyway.

I feared rejection Until I learned to Have faith in myself.

I feared pain Until I learned that it's necessary For growth.

I feared the truth Until I saw the Ugliness in lies.

I feared life Until I experienced Its beauty .

I feared death Until I realized that it's Not an end, but a beginning.

I feared my destiny, Until I realized that I had the power to change My life.

I feared hate Until I saw that it Was nothing more than Ignorance.

I feared love Until it touched my heart, Making the darkness fade Into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule Until I learned how To laugh at myself.

I feared growing old Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.

I feared the future Until I realized that Life just kept getting Better.

I feared the past Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark Until I saw the beauty Of the starlight.

I feared the light Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.

I feared change, Until I saw that Even the most beautiful butterfly Had to undergo a metamorphosis Before it could fly.

Medical Terms

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Caesarean section - a district in Rome

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

Fake labour - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Hernia - she is close by

Impotent - distinguished/ well known

Labour pain - hurt at work.

Lactose - people without toes

Lymph - walk unsteadily.

Microbes - small dressing gown

Obesity - city of Obe

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize

Proteins - in favour of teens

Pulse - grain

Pus - small cat

Red blood count - Dracula

Secretion - hiding anything

Tablet - small table

Ultrasound - radical noise

Urine - opposite of you're out.

Varicose - very close

Skills, knowledge and abilities

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks,

"Momma, why do I have these huge three-toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."

A few minutes later, the young camel asks,

"Momma, why do I have these long eyelashes?"

"They're to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," replies the mother.

"Momma, why do I have these great big humps on my back?" asks the baby camel.

"They're to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without eating for long periods," explains the mother.

"So, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes and these humps to store fat," the young camel says.

"That's right, son," says the mother.

"Then why are we in Zoo?" asks the baby camel.


Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are only useful if you are at the right place! Where are you now?

Dedication pays

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer- contractor of his plans to leave the house- building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter.

This is your house, he said, my gift to you.

The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!

If he had only known he was building his own, he would have done it all so differently. We do the most of the things having such thoughts in our mind. But we only realize when it comes back to us.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house that we have built.

If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Life is a do-it-yourself project, someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the house you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!

A short history of medicine

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."

1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."

1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."

1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."

2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Divorce Letter

Hisband's Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, and you don't want romance anymore or Anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life!

Wife's Letter


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant Whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ...
and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica; but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,

Rich and Free!

Management Lessons

Lesson Number 1:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." so, the rabbit sat on the ground below

the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Learning:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Lesson Number 2:


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I Haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Learning:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number 3:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to
the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung
on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!


Management Learning:

when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Lesson Number 4:

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some
people who remarked "it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding". The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So the both rode the donkey! Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying "how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey". The boy and man said they were probably right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.


Management Learning:

If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

Lesson Numer 5

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Management Lesson

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure


Lesson Numer 6

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Management Lesson

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson Numer 7

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speed boat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management Lesson

Always let your boss have the first say.

Staying Fresh for Challenges

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, Fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste.

To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats.

They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer.

However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish.

The frozen fish brought a lower price . So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive.

Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference.

Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste.

The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish .

So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan?

If you were consulting the fish industry, what Would you recommend?

Here is How Japanese Fish Stay Fresh:

To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks.

But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are challenged.

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired & dull,

So we need a Shark in our life to keep us awake and moving?

Basically in our lives Sharks are new challenges to keep us active and lively .....

Be careful when you SMS...

A True Story:

This lady has changed her habit on the hand phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag which contained her mobile, credit card, purse etc. was stolen.

Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, telling him what had happened, her hubby says 'I've just received your SMS asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.' When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The pickpocket had actually used the stolen hand phone to sms 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number.

Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from the bank account.

Moral of the lesson:

Do not disclose the relationship between you and the person in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mum etc...... and very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked thru SMS, CONFIRM by calling back.

Concerned about too much calories in your diet?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

Food for thought

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-

looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money,

will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying

to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man

asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you

home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know

I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he

has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

Sardarji Joke- Well, not actually a joke

We all love Sardar jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the most hard working prosperous and diversified communities in the world. My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, ''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or
any other city.'

My friend continued,* ' That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging anywhere.'

MORAL: The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,.. ......... . but he will never beg on the streets. Isn't this very thought provoking ???

Nail in the Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."


Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your heart

More Muphy's Laws

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence..

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

All's well that ends.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

New systems generate new problems.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.

Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday.

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

The only perfect science is hind-sight.

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Everything that goes up must come down.

Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Tackling Telemarketing

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, "Is this William Wagenhoss?"

This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he was calling this number I then said off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.

I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for,how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

I proceeded to tell him we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable

TAX

Tax his land, Tax his bed,
Tax the table at which he's fed.

Tax his tractor, Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are the rule.

Tax his work, Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts Anyway!

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants,
Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirt,
Tax his work, Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink,
Tax him if he Tries to think.

Tax his cigars, Tax his beers,
If he cries Tax his tears.

Tax his car, Tax his gas,
Find other ways To tax his ass.

Tax all he has Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him til
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Drivng Permit Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Petrol Tax ( too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydro Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Property Tax
Provincial Income Tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Tax
Telephone, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation
was one of the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middleclass,
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians? '

How to find the guy returned from the US

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven
Zero Four)

16.Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Kissing Good-bye

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her 'Honey, would you give me a kiss?'
Horrified, she replied, 'Are you mad? My parents will see us!'
'Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?' He asked grinning at her.
'No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?'
'Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!'.
'No way, it's just too risky!'
'Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?'.
'No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!'.
'Oh yes you can. Please?'
'No, no. I just can't' 'I'm begging you ... '
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said,
'Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL .......

The Award-Winning Corn

There was a farmer who grew superior quality and award-winning corn.

Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honour and prizes.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learnt something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbours'.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbours when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir, "said the farmer, "didn't you know?

The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field.

If my neighbours grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn."

The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life.

His corn cannot improve unless his neighbour's corn also improves.

So it is in the other dimensions!

Those who choose to be at harmony must help their neighbours and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well.

The value of a life is measured by the lives it touches.

Finding Wife

A couple went Christmas shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later.

The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. (no surprise there)

After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented.

Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful blonde on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said,

"Please, talk to me! Quick!"

She said, "Huh? Why?"

"Because I've been looking for my wife all over this mall and I can't find her," the man replied.

"Excuse me sir, how will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is."

"Oh, I know you don't know where she is... It's just that I've been looking, but I can't seem to find my wife anywhere around this mall. However, I know every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, like magic, she *suddenly* appears!"

Men and women

Men


1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.

7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


Women



1. All women are innocent and innocuous.

2. Although they look innocent and innocuous, but it is until you come to know of them.

3. Although U may feel sure that you come to know of them, they will keep you in fancy that they are caring and understanding.

4. Although U may come to know that they keep U in this fancy, U still feel that they are able to understand your unsaid words.

5. Although U feel that they are able to understand your unsaid words, but actually it may fall you flat off your feet at testing times.

6. Although U have fallen flat, now the woman may have realized that U are not worth it now.

7. Although the woman may have realized that U are not worth it now, they will make another one to fall prey to it.

Project: Deliver a Baby

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

8. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby

10) HR Manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given nine months!

Technical Support Jokes

These "silly tech support calls " have been around in e-mails and online since the dawn of tech support.
They are always fun to read. I'm in the mood for a good laugh. How 'bout you?

**********

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....

**********

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

**********

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

**********

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

**********

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

**********

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

**********

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

**********

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

**********

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

**********

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

**********

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

**********

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

**********

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

**********

And last but not least...


Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Women are Good!

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up for injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without new shoes so their children can have them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all SIZES , in all colors

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.


Women are good.

Let them say that.


We got off the Titanic first..

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway

Quality Housekeeping: Wife's duties

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at
them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my
wife, Terri. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for
Terri to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for
extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after
she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I
usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home
from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to
rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner . I don't yell at
her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she
gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at
the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some
home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as
soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit
on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each
evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done
before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so
I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
over two or even three days. That way she won' t have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then !
wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact
is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I
try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a
nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a
while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well
make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men
will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However,
guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of
your aging wife because of this article , I will consider that writing
it was well worthwhile After all, we are put on this earth to help
each other.

Signed,
Jim

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Jim died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police
report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha
Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of
grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Terri was
arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10
minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim,
somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Awful 4-letter Words

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
'Well', said her mother, 'so how was the honeymoon?'

'Oh mama', she replied, 'The honeymoon was wonderful!
So romantic'......Suddenly she burst out crying.
'But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most
horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these
awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!'

'Sarah, Sarah', her mother said, 'calm down! You need to stay with
your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT 4-letter words?'

'Please don't make me tell you, mama,' wept the daughter.
'I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!'

'Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your
mother these horrible 4-letter words!'

Sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, Mama..., he used words like:
dust, wash, iron, and cook...'

'I'll pick you up in twenty minutes,' said the mother.

Blessings

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.

My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, " This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received." I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section.Here , the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them."

I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing.

"This is the Acknowledgment Section, " my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed."How is it that there's no work going on here?" I asked. "So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments.

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked.

"Simple," the angel answered. "Just say, " Thank you, Lord."

"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.

The Blessings

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... You are richer than 75% of this world .

"If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. "And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

Also ......

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ...... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day. "If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.

"If you can attend a place of worship without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death ... You are envied by, and more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

Attn: Acknowledge Dept.: Thank You Lord! " Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with."

Chinese Love Story

An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world.

It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple's home for the last 50 years. Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin..

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality.

In the beginning, life was harsh as hey had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, 'Are you regretful? Liu always replied, 'As long as we are industrious, life will improve.'

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, 'My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother's convenience, although she doesn't go down the mountain that much.'

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife's hand even after he had passed away.

'You promised me you'll take care of me, you'll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?'

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband's black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.