The woman in red drives the men crazy, study finds

If a woman wants to drive the men wild, she might want to dress in red.

Men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other color, U.S. researchers said Tuesday.

The study led by psychology professor Andrew Elliot of the University of Rochester in Rochester, New York, seemed to confirm red as the color of romance -- as so many Valentine's Day card makers and lipstick sellers have believed for years.

Although this "red alert" may be a product of human society associating red with love for eons, it also may arise from more primitive biological roots, Elliot said.

Noting the genetic similarity of humans to higher primates, he said scientists have shown that certain male primates are especially attracted to females of their species displaying red. For example, female baboons and chimpanzees show red coloring when nearing ovulation, sending a sexual signal that the males apparently find irresistible.

"It could be this very deep, biologically based automatic tendency to respond to red as an attraction cue given our evolutionary heritage," Elliot, whose findings appear in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, said in a telephone interview.

The study involved more than 100 men, mostly college undergraduates, who were shown pictures of women and asked to rate how pretty they were, how much the men would like to kiss them and how much the men would like to have sex with them.

Men were shown a woman, with some of the pictures bordered in red and some bordered in white, gray or green. Even though it was the same picture of the same woman, when she was framed in red the men rated her as more attractive than when she was bordered by another color.

Men were then shown photographs of a woman that were identical except that the researchers digitally made her shirt red in some versions or blue in others. And once again, the men strongly favored the woman in red.

The men also were asked, "Imagine that you are going on a date with this person and have $100 in your wallet. How much money would you be willing to spend on your date?" When she was clad in red, the men said they would spend more money on her.

The researchers noted that the color red did not alter how men rated the women in the photographs in terms of likeability, intelligence or kindness -- only attractiveness.

The researchers then had a group of young women rate whether the pictured woman was pretty. Red had no impact on whether women rated other women as pretty, they found.

Gay men and color blind men were excluded from the study.

Searching for WC.

In the days when you couldn't count on a public
toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India.
She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by
the local schoolmaster.

She was concerned as to whether the guest house
contained a WC. In England , a bathroom is commonly
called a WC which stands for 'Water Closet'.
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities
about the WC.
The school master, unknown to this, asked
the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC.
Together they pondered possible meanings of the
letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know
if there was a 'Wayside Chapel'
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC
is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the
middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely
grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is
open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many
people expected in the summer months, I suggest you
arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in
the habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter
was married in the WC as it was there that she met her
husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people
in every seat. It was wonderful to see the ex-pressions on
their faces. We can take photos in different angle.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently.
It has been almost a year since she went last,
which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring
their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till
the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend
your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ
accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the
most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters.
We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many
feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there
myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster.

The Woman fainted reading the reply and she never visited India!

Making a difference

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day.

So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied,

"Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it
into the ocean, past the breaking waves and said -

"It made a difference for that one."

Problems Always seems bigger in dark...

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs.The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs--millions of them. They croak all during the night and are about to drive me crazy!"

So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, "Well...where are all the frogs?" The farmer said, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!"

Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also--remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark.

Have you ever lain in your bed at might worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming- -like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Young Salesman...

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed..
The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son.
Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear
the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

Man and Woman

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make Your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. "

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, -she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,

"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, -she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the story for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen

Human Resources Manager after death experience

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee."

Policies and Procedures

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.

Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced.

The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.

However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder.

All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

*********

AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.

Sand and Stone

This story tells of two friends walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.

The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone. Why?"

The other friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. When someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in sand, and to carve your benefits in stone.

One Extra Bed Room !!!

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in software Engineering and joined a company based in USA the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time, I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.

My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling home sick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at Mac Donald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate, getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down. Finally I decided to get married.

Told my parents that I have only 10 days off and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying shopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate. In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely.

The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their Grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was my parents were passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents were passed away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA. My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and myself returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years. Time passed by, My daughter decided to get married to a American and my son was happy living in USA.

I decided that I had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent two bed room flat in a well developed locality. Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode. Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Setting Priorities

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day are not enough, remember the sugar jar . . . and the coffee.

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty sugar jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and
poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

"The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

"The sand is everything else--the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

"The same goes for life.

"If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children.

"Take time to get medical checkups.

"Take your partner out to dinner.

"There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.

"Set your priorities.

"The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."

Don't Drink and Drive

I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?

Prayer for Parents

Dear Heavenly Father, Make me a better parent.
Teach me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say and to answer all their questions kindly.

Keep me from interrupting them, talking back to them and contradicting them.
Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me.
Give me the courage to confess my sins against my children and to ask them forgiveness when I know that I have done them wrong.

Grant that I may never vainly hurt the feelings of my children.
Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes or resort to shame and ridicule as punishment.

Let me not tempt my child to lie or steal.
So guide me hour by hour that I might demonstrate by all I say and do that honestly produces happiness.

Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me.
May I cease to nag, and when I am out of sorts, help me O Lord, to hold my tongue.
Blind me to the little errors of my children, and help me to see the good things they do.

Give me a ready word to honest praise.
Help me to grow up with my children, to treat them as those of their own age, but let me not expect of them the judgements and conventions of adults.

Allow me not to rob them of the opportunity to learn for themselves, to think, to choose and to make decisions.
Forbid that I should ever punish them for my selfish satisfaction.

May I grant them all their wishes that are reasonable,
And may I have the courage always to withhold a privilege which I know will do them harm.

Make me fair and just, and considerate and companionable to my children that they will have a genuine esteem for me.
Make me fit to be loved and imitated by my children.

10 (More) Reasons You're Not Rich

Many people assume they aren't rich because they don't earn enough money. If I only earned a little more, I could save and invest better, they say.

The problem with that theory is they were probably making exactly the same argument before their last several raises. Becoming a millionaire has less to do with how much you make, it's how you treat money in your daily life.

The list of reasons you may not be rich doesn't end at 10. Caring what your neighbors think, not being patient, having bad habits, not having goals, not being prepared, trying to make a quick buck, relying on others to handle your money, investing in things you don't understand, being financially afraid and ignoring your finances.


Here are 10 more possible reasons you aren't rich:

You care what your car looks like: A car is a means of transportation to get from one place to another, but many people don't view it that way. Instead, they consider it a reflection of themselves and spend money every two years or so to impress others instead of driving the car for its entire useful life and investing the money saved.

You feel entitlement: If you believe you deserve to live a certain lifestyle, have certain things and spend a certain amount before you have earned to live that way, you will have to borrow money. That large chunk of debt will keep you from building wealth.

You lack diversification: There is a reason one of the oldest pieces of financial advice is to not keep all your eggs in a single basket. Having a diversified investment portfolio makes it much less likely that wealth will suddenly disappear.

You started too late: The magic of compound interest works best over long periods of time. If you find you're always saying there will be time to save and invest in a couple more years, you'll wake up one day to find retirement is just around the corner and there is still nothing in your retirement account.

You don't do what you enjoy: While your job doesn't necessarily need to be your dream job, you need to enjoy it. If you choose a job you don't like just for the money, you'll likely spend all that extra cash trying to relieve the stress of doing work you hate.


You don't like to learn: You may have assumed that once you graduated from college, there was no need to study or learn. That attitude might be enough to get you your first job or keep you employed, but it will never make you rich. A willingness to learn to improve your career and finances are essential if you want to eventually become wealthy.

You buy things you don't use: Take a look around your house, in the closets, basement, attic and garage and see if there are a lot of things you haven't used in the past year. If there are, chances are that all those things you purchased were wasted money that could have been used to increase your net worth.

You don't understand value: You buy things for any number of reasons besides the value that the purchase brings to you. This is not limited to those who feel the need to buy the most expensive items, but can also apply to those who always purchase the cheapest goods. Rarely are either the best value, and it's only when you learn to purchase good value that you have money left over to invest for your future.

Your house is too big: When you buy a house that is bigger than you can afford or need, you end up spending extra money on longer debt payments, increased taxes, higher upkeep and more things to fill it. Some people will try to argue that the increased value of the house makes it a good investment, but the truth is that unless you are willing to downgrade your living standards, which most people are not, it will never be a liquid asset or money that you can ever use and enjoy.


You fail to take advantage of opportunities: There has probably been more than one occasion where you heard about someone who has made it big and thought to yourself, "I could have thought of that." There are plenty of opportunities if you have the will and determination to keep your eyes open.

Shake it off and take a step

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;

it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.

Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.

He was astonished at what he saw.

With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,

he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey

stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :


Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.

We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.


Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God.

Love, Wealth and Success

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long
white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize
them. She said "I don't think I know you, but youmust be
hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she said. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him
what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them
in!" The woman went out and invited the men in.

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she wanted to know. One of the old men
explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his
friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I
am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your
husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her
husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the
case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with
wealth!" His wife disagreed.

"My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the
house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not
be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with
love!"

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to
his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of
you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." Love got up
and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up
and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and
Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth
orSuccess, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since
you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever
there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!"

Can you beat this resume?

EDUCATION /Qualifications :

1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University, Chandigarh ,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,
1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957; DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience :

Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;
Professor,Internati onal Trade, Delhi School of Economics,Universit y of Delhi,1969-71 ;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University ,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience/ POSITIONS :

1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance

1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India ;
Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;
Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD

November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member,finance, Space Commission

April 1980 - September 15, 1982 : Member-secretary, Planning Commission

1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee

September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India .

1982-85: Alternate Governor for India , Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

1985: President, Indian Economic Association

January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

August 1, 1987 - November 10, 19! 90: Secretary-general and commissioner,
south commission, Geneva

December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC

June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996 : Union finance minister

October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha

June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

India 's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -
Clarendon Press, Oxford University , 1964; also published a large number of articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956

Padma Vibhushan, 1987

Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

1966: Economic Affairs Officer

1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on
International Monetary Reform

1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION :

Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre,
New Delhi

PERSONAL DETAIL:

Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

DOB: September 26, 1932

Place of Birth: Gah ( West Punjab )

Father: S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on: September 14, 1958

Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children: Three daughters

Why it`s Good to Be a Guy

1. Phone conversations are over in 20 seconds flat.

1. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

2. You know stuff about tanks.

3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

4. Monday Night Football

5. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

6. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

7. You can open all your own jars.

8. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

9. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

10. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

11. Your ass is never a factor in job interviews.

12. All your orgasms are real.

13. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.

14. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.(unless you smash'em into the boards)

15. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff every where you go.

16. You understand why Stripes is funny.

17. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

18. Your last name stays put.

19. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

20. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

21. You can kill your own food.

22. The garage is all yours.

23. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

24. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

25. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

26. You never have to clean a toilet.

27. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

28. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

29. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

30. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

31. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

32. The National College Cheerleading Championship.

33. You don't have to shave below your neck.

34. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

36. If you're 34 and single, no one notices.

37. You can write your name in the snow.

38. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

39. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

40. Chocolate is just another snack.

41. You can be president.(in this life time)

42. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

43. Flowers fix everything.

44. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

45. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

46. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

47. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

48. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

49. You can say anything(Wow, do my balls hurt!)and not have to worry what people will think.

50. Foreplay is optional.

51. Michael Bolton doesn't exist in your universe.

52. Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you walk in a room.

53. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

54. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.

55. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

56. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

57. You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.

58. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.

59. The world is your urinal.

60. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.

61. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

62. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

63. One mood all the time.

64. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

65. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.

66. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

67. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.

68. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

69. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

70. Wedding dress:$20,000; tuxedo rental:$75.

71. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.

72. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

73. You don't mooch off others' desserts.

74. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

75. The remote control is yours and yours alone.

76. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

77. ESPN's Sports Center

78. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a gift.

79. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.

80. You have a normal relationship with your mother.

81. You can by condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

82. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go the bathroom.

83. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

84. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

85. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it".

86. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

87. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

88. The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.

89. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

90. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

91. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.

92. New shoes don't blister, cut, or mangle your feet.

93. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

94. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having sex with them.

95. Your pal can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...you notice anything different?"

96. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

97. Baywatch

98. There's always a game on somewhere.

Apartheid

This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg (South Africa) London (UK).

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess.

‘You obviously do not see it then?’ she asked. ’You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group.Give me an alternative seat.’

‘Be calm please,’ the hostess replied.

‘Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available.’

The hostess went away then came back a few minutes later.

‘Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class.’

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.

‘It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.’

The Hostess turned to the black guy, said, ‘Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class.’

At that moment, the other passengers, who’d been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up applauded.

This is a true story.

Judging by looks

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's outer office.

The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.

They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him.

And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

The lady told him, "We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

The president wasn't touched, he was shocked. "Madam," he said gruffly. "We can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery". "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue.

We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent.

The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a University? Why don't we just start our own?" Her husband nodded.

The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.