Happy His Wife Left Him

A man had just purchased a new Corvette as a gift to himself in honor of his wife finally leaving him. He had wanted a divorce for years but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her he no longer loved her. One day he came home from work to find a note on the kitchen table that said, “I don't love you anymore either and I've moved out.” from his wife.
He was driving along the back city roads with the top down feeling young again. He decided to see just how fast the vet could go and he put the peddle to the floor. He sped away as the engine roared and a few seconds later he looked at the needle on the speedometer and seen he was doing 95mph.
At that same moment he heard the sirens and when he looked in his mirror he saw the cop that was motioning for him to pull over. In a split second decision he hit the gas and watched the needle point to 100 mph. Then he quickly came to his senses and decided he shouldn't attempt to outrun a cop.
He pulled the car over to the side of the road and the cop drove up behind him. The cop slowly opened his door, got out , and walked up to the drivers side door of the vet. The man handed the police officer his license and registration and the cop looked it over and took off his sunglasses and said to the man, “I've been working for ten hours straight and its been a really long day. The last thing I feel like doing right now is paperwork but you broke the law. Unless you've have a really good excuse that I've never heard before for driving over 95 miles per hour I'm about to write you a ticket.
The driver of the vet thought about it for a second and replied, “A few days ago my wife left me for a cop. I thought you were trying to return her.”
The cop looked at him and said, “Have a nice day.” and walked back to his police car and drove away.

Let's Rearrange the Letters in the Words

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

Truths For Living

The more generous we are,
the more joyous we become.

The more cooperative we are,
the more valuable we become.

The more enthusiastic we are,
the more productive we become.

The more serving we are,
the more prosperous we become.

The more outgoing we are,
the more helpful we become.

The more curious we are,
the more creative we become.

The more patient we are,
the more understanding we become.

The more persistent we are,
the more successful we become.


William Arthur Ward

Can You Read This?

If you can read this your special. Only 55 out of 100 people can…

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are,the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit apboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!